I think I'm going out of my fucking mind. The absurdity of life. Every time you think you can coast for a second, another intersection with a red light comes out of nowhere. If I did what most people do and consider it "fate".. orrr... "God"... or pretend, like most people do, that the bad things in my life are somehow self inflicted... I would probably feel better. At least on the surface. But fuck that.. Those stupid excuses ( And believe me.. That's all they are..) are a coping mechanism for avoiding the REAL truth about life. Most people you know think they have it all figured out. When the fact of the matter is... They haven't got a clue. And it scares them. They bury themselves in debt to somehow fill an unfillable hole inside themselves. They go to church to pretend that everything is in the hands of God so that they don't have to face the paralyzing fact that, yes.. It is out of their hands... But nobody is steering.
We're all on a collision course with death. Just like every other living organism on this planet. People have this retarded idea that just because we have thoughts.. and feelings... That we're somehow more important than everything else. Or that somehow some intangible father figure in the fucking sky designed us and is making the decisions upstairs about all the things that we encounter in our lifetime.....Nope. We lucked out... We have the biggest brains... That's it. It's THAT simple. And someday, every single one of us will die. And after we die, there is nothing. Just like every other animal. There is no "ant heaven"... No "beaver hell".. I'm pretty sure all of us would agree on that... So why the fuck would there be a "People Heaven"? Or any afterlife whatsoever? Because we can internalize our thoughts? Because we can fucking THINK? That's our advantage. It's also our greatest disadvantage. I can't build a dam outta sticks... And I sure as hell can't carry three hundred times my weight either. But I sure as hell can trick myself into thinking that any of this fucking shit matters in a way none of us can quite understand. Do you see what you're doing? You're thinking yourselves in circles. You're born, you live and then you die. Period. End of story. Any lessons about Heaven and Hell in the bible were fucking metaphors. If you're a good person your LIFE will be Heaven... You don't go anywhere when you DIE, stupid. Smarten up.
But that's a very strange and frightening concept. All the things you see.... All the things around you.... Everything you love. .. Will disappear. Forever. If you are reading this, life will still be just like it is now in the year 2347. And you will not see it. You won't be looking down from above and smiling. You will not be with your family and friends and pets that you loved while you were alive. You won't be burning in an eternal hellfire either. You.. Will be gone. What was once your body will have long since disintegrated into the ground soil around what once was your cozy little coffin in some ancient cemetery that is holding up construction of a brand new Target.
Someone once told me the secret to keeping your sanity in this world:
Don't sweat the small stuff... And it's ALL small stuff. Every bit of it. Family? Bills? Work? Friends? They are all tiny little pieces to the big fucking unsolvable puzzle. The truth is. There is no puzzle. Stop trying to figure out what it all fucking MEANS. It doesn't mean SHIT. It all just is... Do what the animals do.. Take it one day at a time until there ain't any more days left...I've kept it pretty basic. Not quite Fight Club style... But as close as one can come to it while raising a fucking family. I live in a Mobile home that's falling apart. I drive a car that's falling apart... I have no mortgage. I have no car payment. No credit cards... I manage.
Just think about it... It's late. I'm going to bed
Stop trying to control everything and.. Just Let GO..... Tyler Durden
There's an escape: Drop out of the race .....Phil Anselmo
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