....Installment 2
5. Yes.. you can Have It Your Way... Within reason.
Burger King ruined everything ... The only thing they truly accomplished with that statement was encouraging and enabling millions of arrogant, obnoxious, finicky Fuck Bags, who live to make people they perceive as below them dance like fucking puppets.
Look.. I'm aware that people have food allergies... I can respect that. But if you are that highly allergic to gluten.. Maybe you shouldn't be taking such chances with strangers preparing your meals, and just dine at home.
What the fuck already, with the special order bullshit...?
When I was a kid, my mother loathed pickles. She couldn't stand them. When we would go to a fast food joint... she would order a fucking cheeseburger... pick the unwanted vegetable off of her sandwich, toss it out the window (or give it to me).. and eat the burger. Never ONCE did she order the thing without pickles. NEVER. If there was something on a burger that I didn't like, and I made the ridiculous decision to speak up about it to my parents... My food would end up either sailing onto the side of the road at 55 miles per hour, or in the dog's belly. I learned fast. Shut the fuck up... This is better than leftover meatloaf and Ramen noodles. It's a treat... Enjoy It.
Look.. I understood, back in the day... when cheeseburgers were made 12 at a time ,then ....just sat there in a heated bin for 4 hours, that if you wanted "fresh" food... you just ordered it without onions, and the kids in the back had to make a new one... Perfectly understandable.
NEWS FLASH: We haven't made sandwiches "by the batch" in over a fucking decade.. So knock it off.
You are too god damn fussy about your food. And you are training your children to follow suit. Normal stuff is fine. No Ketchup, Mustard, etc... Very reasonable. Extra pickles, add bacon... No problem. But, it's so far beyond that these days. People are ridiculous. For instance.. Just today, a woman came inside and ordered a Big Mac
She wanted the toasted bun in one box, the "well done" beef in another box... The lettuce in it's own box...The sauce in yet another box, and 7... yes... 7 slices of cheese in.. you guessed it... another fucking box.
At what point did we go from providing fast, quality food at a reasonable value to the hungry, hurried masses, to being your personal fucking monkey?
There's a line between personal taste and just being completely obnoxious. She crossed it. Twice. Four minutes later, she returned with her box of custom burnt meat and informed us that there wasn't enough salt on the fucking shit... Really? REALLY???
It's out of control.
6. And your kids....? *Sigh*
First of all... The next time I see a Happy Meal being purchased at 10pm, I'm punching the offending parent in the throat as hard as I can.... TWICE. I realize most of our marketing is aimed at kids...That doesn't mean you pacify them every time they want Mickey Dee's. They're kids. Did you want little Timmy to grow up to be a fat, lazy shit, like his Daddy? Here's a brilliant fucking idea: Try cooking with your kids. Not only will you have a lot of fun, but you're teaching your kids something and, I can assure you, Whatever you ultimately decide to make is going to be waaaaay healthier... (Unless you're preparing Haggis. In that case... A McChicken seems like a viable alternative.)
But.. Anyway... In the event that you do, in fact, find yourself blatantly destroying your child's developing digestive system with Fast Food... Rather than grocery shopping and cooking for/with them like a real parent... ;)
Legitimate allergies notwithstanding.... Here's the game plan, from here on in:
If they're under 13, they have no idea what they like. So what they say doesn't matter. Order for them. There is nothing in life quite like wasting ten maddening minutes watching a 6 year old try to (unsuccessfully) read a menu board and mumble a bunch of gibberish from below the counter... (or, even better still... THE BACK SEAT IN DRIVE THRU) while the line behind him grows longer with impatient, frustrated, hungry grown-ups...Under no circumstances is your small child allowed to even attempt to order. That's YOUR job. Make them sit down...Make sure the little bastard eats it. And YES... That's The Only Toy We Have.
5. Yes.. you can Have It Your Way... Within reason.
Burger King ruined everything ... The only thing they truly accomplished with that statement was encouraging and enabling millions of arrogant, obnoxious, finicky Fuck Bags, who live to make people they perceive as below them dance like fucking puppets.
Look.. I'm aware that people have food allergies... I can respect that. But if you are that highly allergic to gluten.. Maybe you shouldn't be taking such chances with strangers preparing your meals, and just dine at home.
What the fuck already, with the special order bullshit...?
When I was a kid, my mother loathed pickles. She couldn't stand them. When we would go to a fast food joint... she would order a fucking cheeseburger... pick the unwanted vegetable off of her sandwich, toss it out the window (or give it to me).. and eat the burger. Never ONCE did she order the thing without pickles. NEVER. If there was something on a burger that I didn't like, and I made the ridiculous decision to speak up about it to my parents... My food would end up either sailing onto the side of the road at 55 miles per hour, or in the dog's belly. I learned fast. Shut the fuck up... This is better than leftover meatloaf and Ramen noodles. It's a treat... Enjoy It.
Look.. I understood, back in the day... when cheeseburgers were made 12 at a time ,then ....just sat there in a heated bin for 4 hours, that if you wanted "fresh" food... you just ordered it without onions, and the kids in the back had to make a new one... Perfectly understandable.
NEWS FLASH: We haven't made sandwiches "by the batch" in over a fucking decade.. So knock it off.
French Fries without salt...
We know what you're doing. We're not stupid. You just want "fresh" fries. I feel ya, dawg... Me too.
And rather than just take us for our word when we tell you that the fries we are currently serving just came up, you give us this speech about your sodium intake.
Save it.
Your large fry with salt has 260mg of sodium... Your Quarter Pounder With Cheese has 820mg. You're fooling no one, fatty. What's that? Sure... You can have some salt packets.... Cunt.
You are too god damn fussy about your food. And you are training your children to follow suit. Normal stuff is fine. No Ketchup, Mustard, etc... Very reasonable. Extra pickles, add bacon... No problem. But, it's so far beyond that these days. People are ridiculous. For instance.. Just today, a woman came inside and ordered a Big Mac
She wanted the toasted bun in one box, the "well done" beef in another box... The lettuce in it's own box...The sauce in yet another box, and 7... yes... 7 slices of cheese in.. you guessed it... another fucking box.
At what point did we go from providing fast, quality food at a reasonable value to the hungry, hurried masses, to being your personal fucking monkey?
There's a line between personal taste and just being completely obnoxious. She crossed it. Twice. Four minutes later, she returned with her box of custom burnt meat and informed us that there wasn't enough salt on the fucking shit... Really? REALLY???
It's out of control.
6. And your kids....? *Sigh*
First of all... The next time I see a Happy Meal being purchased at 10pm, I'm punching the offending parent in the throat as hard as I can.... TWICE. I realize most of our marketing is aimed at kids...That doesn't mean you pacify them every time they want Mickey Dee's. They're kids. Did you want little Timmy to grow up to be a fat, lazy shit, like his Daddy? Here's a brilliant fucking idea: Try cooking with your kids. Not only will you have a lot of fun, but you're teaching your kids something and, I can assure you, Whatever you ultimately decide to make is going to be waaaaay healthier... (Unless you're preparing Haggis. In that case... A McChicken seems like a viable alternative.)
But.. Anyway... In the event that you do, in fact, find yourself blatantly destroying your child's developing digestive system with Fast Food... Rather than grocery shopping and cooking for/with them like a real parent... ;)
Legitimate allergies notwithstanding.... Here's the game plan, from here on in:
If they're under 13, they have no idea what they like. So what they say doesn't matter. Order for them. There is nothing in life quite like wasting ten maddening minutes watching a 6 year old try to (unsuccessfully) read a menu board and mumble a bunch of gibberish from below the counter... (or, even better still... THE BACK SEAT IN DRIVE THRU) while the line behind him grows longer with impatient, frustrated, hungry grown-ups...Under no circumstances is your small child allowed to even attempt to order. That's YOUR job. Make them sit down...Make sure the little bastard eats it. And YES... That's The Only Toy We Have.
1 comment:
Fuck the customer! Spit in the food and piss in the punch.
Post a Comment