... Holy Hell
Life has been a whirlwind of dogshit the last couple of weeks. So.... I thought step four was a repeat of steps one through three. I was so incredibly wrong. It started out that way, but quickly morphed into the Carol Fucking Brady Step.....
Out of nowhere, she flipped a switch on the crazy, and turned into the girl I moved in with. She pulled out all the stops. Never a dirty dish or article of clothing... Never so much as a cross look or discouraging word... Fucking me (at least) twice a day.... Cooking up a storm....
My house has never been cleaner, and yet I still cannot shake this overwhelming sense that it's all a ruse. A last ditch effort to stay. And while she's been remarkably convincing, and I've been taking FULL advantage of the situation... I am not convinced in the slightest that she's legit. I've administered tests to solidify my theory periodically. I've said/done some shit so ridiculously heinous, that afterward, no matter how much you love someone or want to be with them, you would want to stab them in the face . And she never fucking blinked...
Yet still, I find my resolve wavering.
I think she's, quite literally, sucking the anger out of me. I know what I have to do... I've seen this movie before.. I know how it ends...but I'm shaky on pulling the trigger. At least when I'm sober. Drinking is a different story entirely.
I've been hitting it pretty hard. Often. The stress of the situation(s) has definitely taken it's toll. I've found that self destruction is the best way for me to deal with everything going on.... And I've taken my own self destruction to a whole new level....
This last Saturday, Big Cat and myself went out with Ty for a quasi-birthday celebration in Laconia. We started at Cactus Jack's where we ran into a couple of people Mr. Cat went to high school with. We invited them over to the Baja, where Ty's friends were throwing her a birthday shin-dig, and that's when shit got a little nutty...
First of all, we were hammered when we got there. We were all loaded up with Red Stag and Jager before we walked through the door, so the copious amounts of Jack and Coke piled on top of that were like putting out a house fire with a tank full of propane. Jay was in the zone, but I was the epitome of shitbaggery... The drunkest, sketchiest bastard on Earth. I was theivin' money from drunk girls... Then making them pay for twenty dollar Scorpion Bowls... Disappearing, reappearing.... Dancing for eight seconds, then retreating back to the "V.I.P." area to suck down any unattended drinks on the tables....So last call comes around and we get invited to the condos next door for some after hours shenanigans...
These people made me look sober....This one kid was gonna jump off the third story balcony... this other kid was half passed out with what appeared to be his fucking girlfriend in the the entrance hallway....
Luckily for me, They were drunk enough not to notice yours truly swiping the fifth of Jack out of the living room...
The whole night was a mess... I don't remember how we got home.
When I did finally get home around 4am... I decided to stick it to Kim by telling her how I used to fuck her best friend (The previously mentioned Jaime) when she was gone.... Well suffice to say, that opened a completely new can of worms that my drunken ass was not even close to prepared to deal with. Now there are questions as to whether or not her oldest daughter is maybe mine....
The plot thickens when I be hittin the lyric lickin'... KRS 1
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