So.. as I was saying.... The first few days my resolve was unwavering. The last couple of days has been a challenge. When this whole thing was first "discussed", there was a clear solution: She would leave, and I would stay. The kids stay with me.. And she disappears to start another franchise somewhere else. We agreed. I just needed to give her a couple of days to figure out where she was going....Jaime would take her to Laconia in the morning to file for divorce.. Then the next day, I start getting the whole: You don't need to worry about a divorce, because I'll be dead bullshit.. I'll just find a way to go to jail... We've been here before. This is a test. How serious am I?.. This is the first step. She's pulled this nonsense before, and I caved. I Am Jack's Complete Lack Of Emotion. I do not react. I no longer give a shit. I continue to be the calm center of the universe. So.. You couldn't find a place to go, then? Clearly, I am no longer blinded by insecurity.. She knows I know what she's trying to do... And it's not going to work.
Then the kids get dragged into it... I saw it coming. Trina is very upset.. She's going to see a counselor, and she doesn't want to live with either one of us... Step 2: Use children as a weapon.. AKA If You Don't Love Me Anymore, Then Let Me Stay For The Kids... Been here before too. I don't think it's fair to the kids for me to have to leave... So I talk to Trina... I tell her everything... The reasons why I think it would be better if we weren't together.. How her mother makes me feel... Everything...The Non-Sugar Coated Version. This is why I drink so much and shut down when I'm home.. because she makes me miserable.. not you guys... It takes me a good half hour. She seems to understand. I leave with Mr. Cat.. Van Damme. 2 steps out of the way. There is only one more step left that I've encountered before... And It's the one I ALWAYS cave in on when I get past the first two steps... And I am mentally prepared for it...
Step 3: SEX...
Usually when the sex step happens, it's a sign of two things... One: Her desperation. If I fuck his brains out, like I did in the beginning, he will remember how much he loves(ed) me... Two: My weakness. I am not fully committed to leaving her, and I just want things to be like they were in the beginning. I want peace. Holy Fuck! She can't keep my cock out of her mouth... Things are going to be better! And then it turns into some weird, intense thing that ultimately achieves the desired result for both of us.. albeit temporarily....
This time it's completely different. The first two steps usually dent my armor pretty good.. So, by the time the pussy starts getting whipped out, and body fluids get exchanged, I'm pretty much ready to let it go... The proverbial straw that broke the camel's back... But at this point, I'm still holding very strong... I can't even stand to be in the same room as her...We've been relatively civil to each other, and she's been pretty sane acting.. But I am aware of how this goes.
So... without going into details, she fucked me. Twice. I didn't cave. Not even a little. And it's pissing her off... Bad. I shouldn't have done it... But I separated what my cock wanted from what I wanted... It wasn't about her at all... With other women, I can almost effortlessly shut down my feelings when I fuck them. There is the sex part... And then there's everything else... I do not, under any circumstances, blur that line unless I want to. She has now gotten a taste of the real me... Who I am now...Let's see how she reacts. I had a moment last night, where emotions started to creep into my thoughts, but I quickly squashed it... Step four is soon approaching. And I can't fucking wait to see which direction this shit show is going in next....
No comments:
Post a Comment