• Guns don't kill people. Ed Libby kills People.
• There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Ed Libby allows to live.
• Ed Libby does not sleep. He waits.
• The chief export of Ed Libby is Pain.
• There is no chin under Ed Libby' Beard. There is only another fist.
• Ed Libby has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
• The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Ed Libby 3. Cancer.
• Ed Libby drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
• Ed Libby is my Homeboy.
• Ed Libby doesn't go hunting.... ED LIBBY GOES KILLING.
• Ed Libby uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
• Ed Libby once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
• Crop circles are Ed Libby' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
• Ed Libby is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
• The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Ed Libby out. It failed miserably.
• Contrary to popular belief, Ed Libby, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.
• Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Ed Libby has 72... and they're all poisonous.
• If you ask Ed Libby what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
• Ed Libby drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
• When Ed Libby sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Ed Libby has not had to pay taxes, ever.
• The quickest way to a man's heart is with Ed Libby' fist.
• Ed Libby invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
• CNN was originally created as the "Ed Libby Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
• Ed Libby can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
• There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Ed Libby allows to live.
• Ed Libby once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
• What was going through the minds of all of Ed Libby' victims before they died? His shoe.
• Ed Libby is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
• Police label anyone attacking Ed Libby as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
• Ed Libby doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
• Ed Libby doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
• A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Ed Libby and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
• Ed Libby will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
• Someone once videotaped Ed Libby getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
• If you spell Ed Libby in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
• Ed Libby originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Libby replied, "That's no glitch."
• Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Ed Libby once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
• The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Ed Libby played in second grade.
• Ed Libby once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
• Ed Libby once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Ed Libby re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.
• Ed Libby has two speeds: Walk and Kill.
• Someone once tried to tell Ed Libby that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
• Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Edtatorship.
• Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Ed Libby once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.
• Ed Libby is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Ed Libby.
• Faster than a speeding bullet ... more powerful than a locomotive ... able to leap tall buildings in a single bound... yes, these are some of Ed Libby's warm-up exercises.
• Ed Libby is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.
• In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Ed Libby turned that wine into beer.
• Ed Libby can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Hell was That?"
• Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Ed Libby.
• Ed Libby discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Ed Libby is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Ed Libby roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.
• Ed Libby doesn't shower, he only takes blood baths.
• The Ed Libby military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, because a single Ed Libby could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one turn.
• In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Ed Libby could use to kill you, including the room itself.
• According to the Encyclopedia Brittanica, the Native American "Trail of Tears" has been redefined as anywhere that Ed Libby walks.
• Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Ed gave them a roundhouse kick to the face.
• When Ed Libby goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
• There are no steroids in baseball. Just players Ed Libby has breathed on.
• Ed Libby once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Ed Libby won by 5.
• Ed Libby was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Ed's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries.
• Ed Libby sheds his skin twice a year.
• There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Ed Libby allows to live.
• Ed Libby does not sleep. He waits.
• The chief export of Ed Libby is Pain.
• There is no chin under Ed Libby' Beard. There is only another fist.
• Ed Libby has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
• The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Ed Libby 3. Cancer.
• Ed Libby drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
• Ed Libby is my Homeboy.
• Ed Libby doesn't go hunting.... ED LIBBY GOES KILLING.
• Ed Libby uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
• Ed Libby once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
• Crop circles are Ed Libby' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
• Ed Libby is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
• The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Ed Libby out. It failed miserably.
• Contrary to popular belief, Ed Libby, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.
• Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Ed Libby has 72... and they're all poisonous.
• If you ask Ed Libby what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
• Ed Libby drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
• When Ed Libby sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Ed Libby has not had to pay taxes, ever.
• The quickest way to a man's heart is with Ed Libby' fist.
• Ed Libby invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
• CNN was originally created as the "Ed Libby Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
• Ed Libby can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
• There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Ed Libby allows to live.
• Ed Libby once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
• What was going through the minds of all of Ed Libby' victims before they died? His shoe.
• Ed Libby is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
• Police label anyone attacking Ed Libby as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
• Ed Libby doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
• Ed Libby doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
• A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Ed Libby and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
• Ed Libby will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
• Someone once videotaped Ed Libby getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
• If you spell Ed Libby in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
• Ed Libby originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Libby replied, "That's no glitch."
• Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Ed Libby once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
• The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Ed Libby played in second grade.
• Ed Libby once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
• Ed Libby once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Ed Libby re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.
• Ed Libby has two speeds: Walk and Kill.
• Someone once tried to tell Ed Libby that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
• Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Edtatorship.
• Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Ed Libby once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.
• Ed Libby is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Ed Libby.
• Faster than a speeding bullet ... more powerful than a locomotive ... able to leap tall buildings in a single bound... yes, these are some of Ed Libby's warm-up exercises.
• Ed Libby is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.
• In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Ed Libby turned that wine into beer.
• Ed Libby can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Hell was That?"
• Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Ed Libby.
• Ed Libby discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Ed Libby is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Ed Libby roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.
• Ed Libby doesn't shower, he only takes blood baths.
• The Ed Libby military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, because a single Ed Libby could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one turn.
• In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Ed Libby could use to kill you, including the room itself.
• According to the Encyclopedia Brittanica, the Native American "Trail of Tears" has been redefined as anywhere that Ed Libby walks.
• Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Ed gave them a roundhouse kick to the face.
• When Ed Libby goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
• There are no steroids in baseball. Just players Ed Libby has breathed on.
• Ed Libby once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Ed Libby won by 5.
• Ed Libby was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Ed's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries.
• Ed Libby sheds his skin twice a year.
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